That Time of Year

This time of year is hard for me. I always struggle more with depression and anxiety and the craziness (lack of routine) is exhausting. It’s also the time of year where we remember my brother’s traumatic death (on November 30th) which just does something in me that I can’t control.

I love my job (LOVE it), but I’ve had a hard couple of weeks. I KNOW it’ll get better, and I just keep pressing on because of that. I had a fleeting thought that I would prefer to stay home, but it was fleeting.

Karis has been dealing with bullying, but she is a strong young woman. She has decided that she’s not going to let the bullies win. She won’t let me do much which feels hard as a parent. But she’s mature and amazing and will take care of herself. So we press on.

I saw my psychiatrist and my new counselor this past Monday and it helped SO much. I know that I’m on the right path and will continue taking one day at a time. My psychiatrist adjusted my meds a bit and my new counselor is starting me back on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is what has helped me the most. It has been years since a counselor has done CBT with me, so I’m glad this new counselor went right to it.

I got a new counselor because the one that I had (and have adored) stopped being responsive to me. She rarely responded to me, and when she did, it was like a few words. I couldn’t even get an appointment with her because I needed to schedule it at a time that she didn’t have listed. My new one gets back to me quickly.

I have something coming up on Tuesday that I am dreading, but I have an appointment that evening with my counselor, so hopefully she can help me process it. At the end of the day, my supervisor, principal, and superintendent all think I’m doing awesome, and I love what I do.

I’m also overwhelmed with Christmas parties and events and would love to just do nothing for a while. But after this crazy week, we are going out of town as a family and will be away till right before Christmas. Then Robert’s family is coming (which is actually a really nice, relaxing time every year so I’m not dreading that!). After that I will have allergy testing and some other important appointments that I have scheduled far in advance and am looking forward to them. Self care isn’t always glamorous.

Ultimately, I know I will get through this. I always do. I want to keep teaching despite how hard it is because I love it. I want to keep living the life that I’m living and serve God in the calling(s) that He has placed in my life. He knows what’s best, and He uses those hard moments to grow me and strengthen me.

He is good even in the midst of struggle.

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