Food Anxiety

I started a new journey to health in June of this year. I started logging my food and attempting to eat healthy. I did a little bit of movement, but kind of just floated around with that. Never felt content with what I was doing. But I lost a little bit of weight and felt pretty happy about that (like 7ish pounds). I found Street Parking in July and it has changed my life! The community, the movements, the consistency, the organization, the structure, all of it is what I needed in the area of movement. I am a life-long Street Parker!

I do feel, though, that their way of addressing nutrition has set me back a bit. It works really well for some people, but I am learning it’s not a good fit for me. I figured that since I am all in for movement, might as well be ALL IN for nutrition as well. So I purchased their “template” not long after I joined. It involves the servings of each macro that you should have for each meal. It includes weighing and measuring. It has a list of foods to eat (mostly just whole, unprocessed food). I attempted to start right away. I have tried to weigh and measure off and on. When I was doing a “good job” and eating “on template,” I felt like I was winning this thing and that I was somehow better for it. I realized pretty quickly that it was too restrictive for me, but I have had a hard time letting go of what I’ve learned. I know that it’s not the “only way,” but it’s super common to see people talking about it in the group. I LOVE the group so I won’t be leaving or unfollowing, so I decided that I needed to learn how to manage it.

My relationship with food is kind of rough right now. I’ve gone back to the thought that there are good and bad foods and that it makes me better to eat good, and not so great if I eat “bad” foods. I have essentially assigned morality to food again. I have been obsessing about everything I eat and don’t eat. Sure, I’ve lost 21 pounds, but I’m at a plateau right now because of this. I’m very up and down with food. I KNOW what food is healthy and what food should be “sometimes foods.” I know in my head that if I have a candy bar, it doesn’t make me a glutton or bad person. But yesterday I had a Clif bar at like 3:00 because I didn’t eat enough lunch, then I had a candy bar like 30 minutes later. And I had a lot of Coke Zero (which is a whole other issue for me). I also haven’t really been having much in the way of veggies or fruits with lunch, and I have been eating a sandwich with white sourdough bread every day (at least it’s homemade from a local farm). I’m doing something very wrong because it’s not whole wheat and I’m not having the 2 cups of fruits or veggies that I want to have with each meal.

This is the thing. I spent 4 years in a program that taught me all of the important things like there aren’t good and bad foods, sometimes foods vs everyday foods, my worth isn’t determined by my weight and size (or what I eat and drink), sometimes we eat emotionally and that’s normal and okay (as long as it’s not all the time), balance is the most important, small habits one at a time, small changes are the sustainable changes, etc. I am not in the group anymore, but I still carry what I learned with me. I even joined small group coaching and realized that maybe it was time to move on. And I’m okay with that decision, still. It was time. I just got lost in the diet talk with the SP Template the past several months (and listening to podcasts…). And I have disliked food in general these days, and I felt like I lost all motivation to eat well. Or even to eat to be honest. Food has kind of sucked lately.

A friend of mine recently started a new business. She is a fitness and nutrition coach who works one-on-one with women. I set up a consultation with her to discuss nutrition coaching.

Last night (after a rough day with food), I had my phone consultation with her and I feel like this is going to be exactly what I want/need.

I am going to log my food on an app that she can see and we will make plans and goals together. We will focus on one habit at a time. She doesn’t believe in good or bad food and that all foods can fit into a healthy diet. Her philosophy is very similar to Balance 365 when it comes to nutrition. We will loosely look at macros to make sure I’m getting enough of each macro and enough food in general. The goal is healthy habits for sustainability (which is the same as Balance 365, but now I have my own personal coach!). I also realized that if I don’t lose more weight, I would be okay. I am at a healthy weight (21lbs down since June) and feel much more comfortable. If I do lose a little more, that would be good too. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to have a healthy relationship with food and to feel good. And I want to fuel my workouts!

I’m starting my food log on Sunday. We’ll see how it goes!

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