When I wrote and shared my blog post titled “Deconstruction of my Faith” several days ago, I did NOT expect the amount of support that I received. It was a super brave post for me to write and share and I was fully expecting many negative comments. But I was reminded that I have amazing friends (and family). They love ME. They see ME. They know that what I’m going through is real and raw and that I’m always wanting to learn and grow. They know that I love people. They know that I love Jesus. They know that I’ve been through a lot of really hard stuff. They know that what I’ve learned is through that hard stuff. I really couldn’t have better friends. I’m blown away by the love and support that I receive daily. I can’t even express my gratefulness for those that God put in my life!
My cousin told me that I need to write more and I need to write a book. I have been thinking about this for a long time, and I even started an outline. But the hard thing is that I always have writer’s block when I go to write. I’m not even sure what angle I would go with it. I guess it’ll just be there on the backburner.
I AM in the continual process of learning and growing. Right now I’m studying a few different things for personal growth: The book of John (and one gospel at a time) and a few different books.
One book that I’m studying is Unclobbered by Colby Martin. In this book, he breaks down the 6 verses that people use to “clobber” people with regarding sexuality. It goes into the historical context and Greek and Hebrew. The verses that it addresses are: Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, and 1 Timothy 1:10.
Another book that I will be reading and doing a book study with some friends is called Dear White Peacemakers: Dismantling Racism with Grit and Grace by Osheta Moore. I’m pumped about this book. I’ve heard amazing things about it!
I will write about my professional studies and plans in another post.
One more thing that I want to mention is that I recently realized that I have a LOT of symptoms of ADHD (especially in adults), so I talked with my counselor about it who said she has suspected it. Then I talked with my doctor about it who agreed and put me on medicine for it. Unfortunately, the medication has some side effects that is making my vacation difficult so she told me to stop until after I get back.
These are the symptoms, though:
- Lack of focus (can’t even read a book)
- Can’t relax
- My mind is all over the place, all of the time
- Major hyperfocus
- Impulsive: buying/spending, friending/unfriending, deleting social media/recreating it, quitting jobs mid-year most of the time, homeschooling/not homeschooling… all of these decisions have been made without thought
- Easily frustrated and overwhelmed
- Restlessness and anxiety
- Fatigue (always) because my mind and body are always going
- Problems following through
I will start the meds again next week (and will try them for a few weeks), but in the meantime, I’m just enjoying myself.
We are in Rockport and had a day of fun! It’s just the kids and me because Robert is working (summer at camp!), but we went to souvenir shops, the beach, a couple of restaurants, and played in the pool for several hours. We are all going to sleep well tonight.
I plan to write some posts just about what I’m learning through different books (if my brain will let me read… it tends to be a few pages here, a few pages there). I’m highlighting and taking notes (which helps!). I am determined to focus on these things this summer while I have time!