Connection Over Control

My counselor is one of the wisest women I know. She isn’t lovey dovey but she always says what I need to hear and she offers suggestions that no one else has. She is the one who told me to talk to my doc about stopping the Gabapentin and it has changed my life. I still cough when I’m real anxious, but now I know that’s why I cough. The Gabapentin was making me so anxious which was causing my cough.

Anyway.

The other day we talked all things discipline with my kids and students because it has been a real issue for me. I normally pride myself on having great classroom management and dealing with my kids’ behavior decently well. But lately I have felt exhausted by my lack of ability to manage my class and one of my kiddos.

She reminded me that these kids desire connection over anything else. They don’t care if they have things taken away. They want to feel loved for who they are. They want to feel connection. They don’t want to feel like they are being controlled or that there is effort to do so. They rebel when that happens.

I’m also reading an amazing book: Better than Carrots or Sticks.

A lot of it are things that I know, but I needed the reminders. I’m only about halfway through, so I’m sure I will learn something new.

It also talks about connection plus also reminds that if the kids are engaged there won’t be as many issues. It also reminded me that it’s important to developed rules WITH the kids, so that’s what I did last week. It has made a HUGE difference. Such a simple thing.

The biggest thing is that I’m EXHAUSTED. It’s so hard to keep the students constantly engaged, keep my son doing what he’s supposed to do, take care of all of my responsibilities (even the things that I love and enjoy) on a daily basis. But that’s where connection OVER control comes in. I cannot possibly control other people. So I will focus on loving them for who they are and spend time connecting with them. Then the desire to control diminishes because they don’t have as many problems with their behavior. I have already seen it play out.

Also, I am freaking human. I’m not going to be “on” all the time. I have decided to reduce many things in my life such as all the homemade foods (I ordered lots of prepared foods from HEB), and I’m reducing my time with Balance 365 Coaching right now. I have my garden and chickens (which bring me so much joy). I am trying to cuddle with my boys at night again because it makes a huge difference for them (and me). My house isn’t super clean. I hate that, actually. But I don’t have the energy to care too much. I’m just looking for it to be decent, not spotless.

We have 5 weeks of school left, and that includes benchmarks (next week, the 20th and 21st), field trip (the 29th), and STAAR testing (May 11th and 12th). I have fun stuff going on in science including growing ladybugs, butterflies, and frogs. In addition to growing green bean seeds. We are talking about making a difference in the community in social studies which will include a trash cleanup project around the school. These things feel super important and the kids will always remember all of them. My students all want to have me again next year which feels amazing. Most of the parents seem to really like and trust me as their kid’s teacher. My students have made progress academically this year. They may not all do amazing on the STAAR test, but the progress is what is important.

Spending more time with my own kiddos and hubby is just what we all needed. Priorities! Connection over control. I have a lot of amazing people in my life. They are what makes life as amazing as it is.

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