I don’t feel the need/desire to write much these days. On one hand it’s great because I am not feeling the need to share things that aren’t necessary. But on the other hand, I miss writing to get the noise out of my head. So here I am.
This time of year is definitely historically hard. But right now it’s hard in a different way. I have explained why many times, so I won’t do that again.
I just thought I would write about what has been happening this past week or so.
I saw my nurse practitioner on Monday. She and I decided together that it was time to do a bunch of testing. Mostly blood tests, but I also got another chest X-ray just in case.
I went in Tuesday and had like 8 vials of blood drawn (I didn’t count… that’s just a guess).
She tested for all kinds of things… Autoimmune/inflammation, Lyme disease, Epstein Barr Virus, CBC, a full Thyroid panel (TSH, T3, T4, and TPO), and all of the yearly testing like kidney, liver, glucose, cholesterol, etc.
I’m still waiting for the results…
In the meantime, I feel pretty terrible. My cough is terrible, my throat hurts, my body aches, etc. Most days I have to struggle through the day because I can’t lay down and let life go on without me.
The food thing is complicated. I am about 80% positive that many of my issues can be solved by changing what I eat. But it’s so so hard for me to stick with anything unless I am told by someone who KNOWS that it’s necessary (if that makes sense). I cannot handle this shooting in the dark stuff. On one hand, I want to put my full trust in doctors; on the other hand, that hasn’t worked well so far! I’m so torn on all of this.
Oh, and then there are the well-meaning friends. Many, many people have their own ideas of what I should be doing and/or what’s wrong with me. I do appreciate their care and concern, but it’s just more noise for me at the moment.
I love it when people are just supportive of what I am doing and remind me that answers WILL come. Because some days I feel like I will never feel better. I’m 2 1/2 years in. And my symptoms are getting worse.
It’s so exhausting.
In the meantime, I live life the best I can. School has been going pretty well. I love homeschooling so much and the kids are thriving. I have relaxed so much and we are digging deep into literature, art, Shakespeare, and doing things in a way that’s pretty fun.
I’ve been trying to keep pretty busy as much as I can. Tonight we are hosting a thing and I’ve done some making and making things. I made a good dinner last night.
I have been spending time with the Lord each day. I need Him so much. My worship has been pure, and while my prayer time is short, it’s existing again.
Time with friends is hit or miss. I am focusing so much on just getting through each day. I want to be more connected, but it’s just so hard. In the meantime, I know that I have them to fall back on. They are always there, and I appreciate that so much.
Robert is always busy… always. So unfortunately I have to do a lot of things on my own. I am thankful that he folded and put away a huge load of laundry the other night and did some things to help out Saturday for the thing that we hosted that night. He does the best he can. He is just busy with building houses, remodeling lots of spaces, and trying to do his regular job of maintenance director. He’s a busy man! I hate that my illness makes it even harder. Thankfully he is the most understanding man I know. He doesn’t care what the house looks like, if I can make meals, or what the kids are doing. He knows that I do my best and that the times I am doing well, I do a pretty amazing job.
Anyway… I have been working on this blog post for days and I keep getting distracted. We have had so much going on. I need to end it before I ramble on anymore…
This is where I am. Today I am having a decent day, so I’m trying to take advantage of it. I did some rearranging, organizing, and planning. I’m always thankful for decent days after I have had what I call “truck days” (these are days when I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck).