Brokenness and Purpose

It’s possible to be a little broken and still live out your purpose.

I found this mini coffee maker at Goodwill for $3.99.  First, it wouldn’t brew.  Last night Robert realized that someone had put the coffee grounds in the wrong part and it was just clogged.  So he did a bunch of cleaning, and it started working well.  Yay!

Then.  I somehow broke the tip of the part where you pour when I was washing it today.  I realized immediately that it will definitely still work!  It’s just a little broken.  It may be a little messier, but the purpose of holding the coffee and pouring out will still be able to happen.  So nothing is lost!

In the same way, I am starting to realize that about my life.

What I envisioned for myself got thrown out the window in 2009.

I mean, I already struggled with some mental health issues (a bit of anxiety and depression), but everything got so bad the moment I got the phone call from my mom that my brother had killed himself.  Not only did I lose my only sibling at that moment, but it was so traumatic as well.

The following years were filled with extreme ups and downs.  Anxiety.  Panic attacks.  Depression.  Constant med changes. Therapy.  Mental hospitals.  Alcoholism.  Rehab.  Missing out on a lot.  Having to quit the jobs of my dreams because of my mental illnesses.  Moving.  Change.

For a long time, I thought this was just life for me.  That I would be unable to really enjoy life or function consistently well.  I tried to get disability several times, and I kept getting denied (I’m thankful for that now because I don’t think I would have kept fighting!). I gave up on things ever improving.

Then it happened.  In January of 2018, I noticed a huge difference because of a new med combo.  Life hasn’t been the same since.

I am able to maintain pretty consistent mental health due to the right med combo, lots of self care, pouring into others, and trusting Jesus.

Does that mean life is perfect?  Nope.  I have had some physical health issues this year that have made me anxious and down.  But you know what’s different this time?  I know that I will make it through.  I know that I can experience relief.  I know that the depression and anxiety don’t last forever, and since God has helped me so much with my mental health, I am confident that He will bring relief to my physical health as well.  It just takes time, patience, and trust.

Just like this pot still serves its purpose, I have realized lately that I am still serving my purpose, just in a different way than I could have ever hoped or imagined.  In fact, it’s because of all that I have been through that I am able to truly serve the purpose that God has for me.

I have always wanted to be a teacher (since I was in first grade).  Now I get to teach my own kids, and we are all having so much fun and learning a lot!  I’m able to use my education, training, and experience to teach them well.  I use a lot of resources to make this happen, in addition to a few paid curricula.  I have so much fun planning lessons.  I love being with my kids every day and helping them work through their learning.  Some days are hard, but I have more patience these days to handle the hard days.  They are all learning and growing so much!

The kids and I talk about everything.  We discuss the good and the hard.  I have been able to help them through their mental health issues because I know what helped me.  I have been able to seek out help when I knew I didn’t know what to do.  I have been super proactive in their mental health.

I’m working with some alcoholics, am a mentor for a gap year student, share my story constantly, and now I’m hosting people all the time which I love!

Our family is the healthiest it has ever been.  I’m so thankful for all that God has done.

If you are in a place of struggle, uncertainty, mental illness, alcoholism/addiction, physical health issues, etc, be encouraged.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”  Philippians 1:6

2 thoughts

  1. Courtney, I’m so happy for you. What a journey!! I’m so glad that you are in a good place and that homeschooling is working for all of you. I know that has been your desire and I’m truly so happy to see you doing it. ❤ ❤

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