Struggles with Balance… and Anxiety

I’ve had physical symptoms of anxiety lately.  It hasn’t been as bad as in the past, and the symptoms have been off and on, but they have been there and I figured out why a little bit ago.

I’m such a black and white person.  All or nothing.  I have known this about myself for years, and I am constantly on a back-and-forth cycle.

I was doing pretty well with my soda habit for quite a while.  I would just drink one while in town and I would get one from the office here every other day or so.

Then I went into survival mode and started buying them for the house, and I had them allll the time.  And typically what happens when I am having sodas all the time, I started having all the processed food all the time.  Frozen pizza, corn dogs, chips, frozen waffles, etc.  And when that happens I start to feel icky.  Then because I’m feeling icky, I decide that I need to go the opposite direction and start eating all whole foods and zero processed (making every single thing from scratch).  Buying lots of organic, non-processed, grass fed, cage free, natural products, stuff to make kefir and kombucha, etc.  Like the complete opposite direction.  I even almost bought wheat berries to grind my own flour again.

What’s frustrating is that I had gotten into a pretty good habit with all of that.  I was making some things homemade, and buying some things already made.  I was doing well.  Then I decided to go all-or-nothing at the same time as starting to homeschool.  I know better than to do this to myself!  When I’m in the middle of it, I think “I can handle it this time.”  WRONG.  I am never going to be able to handle an extreme because balance is where it’s at.

So… back to balance and using/buying some things natural, some things processed, and making some things homemade that I like to make.

This is my plan:

  • Making some breakfast foods homemade (granola, breakfast cookies, muffins, etc) and buying some (whole wheat pancakes, waffles, etc)
  • Continuing homemade bread for toast with peanut butter and honey at breakfast/snacks (and Robert likes it for sandwiches)
  • Making homemade Greek yogurt, but buying it sometimes as well depending on how I’m doing (mostly making though)
  • Some sodas in order to keep myself from binging on them (balance)
  • Water, iced tea, La Croix, coffee, hot tea
  • Not buying much organic (I haven’t been buying much, but I will buy less… there are some things that I buy organic just because I feel like the quality is better in general)
  • Continuing to buy cage free eggs, but being okay with the cheaper store brand
  • Buying natural products when we can afford it… I’m set for a while
  • Continuing to use oils because I really like them
  • Continuing meal planning and food prep
  • Buying mostly store brand foods (HEB and Trader Joes have great products)

These past few days have been pretty rough in general and I’m hoping that things are better tomorrow.  I didn’t get much sleep the past few nights due to various situations.  Yesterday I was in town all day then dealing with something kind of stressful. Then I made dinner, we ate, then we had Bible study that didn’t end till almost 11.  The boys couldn’t sleep so they didn’t get to sleep till after that.  Then I had to unwind so I took a bath.  It was after midnight till I got to sleep then I was awake at 5:45 this morning.

I ended up going back to bed at 8 and had a really hard time getting up.  When I got up, Ethan wasn’t here so I couldn’t start school with them.  Then he was an emotional mess since he didn’t sleep… so school just isn’t happening today.  Beautiful thing about it is that if he was at school, he would probably be in the office because he would have lost it on someone.  He doesn’t manage his emotions well.  Instead, he lost it at home and cried himself to sleep in my room.  I’m used to it and can handle it.

Life is good but it’s not perfect and I still have mental health challenges and so does Ethan.  We have things to work through, still, and some things will just always be a challenge. But we can get through it!

Also, something I have realized that is that it’s more difficult to focus on self care now, and that affects things.  These are just all things that need to be adjusted.

2 thoughts

  1. Thank you for this post today. It really resonated with me. Ive been feeling really down and having so much anxiety lately. I go all natural and organic for a few weeks and then I tend to go the opposite direction and drink tons of soda and so much processed food. I need to find balance and this post helped me realize that.

    1. Thank you for sharing that. I always feel alone in this! Balance is hard. But it is possible. I have been there before.

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