This year has been one of big changes.
It started out with me homeschooling just Karis. We both LOVED this. Karis grew so much.
Then I brought the boys home in March.
I had major anxiety issues when I brought them home. Struggling through Hyperventilation Syndrome again. This basically means that I was hyperventilating 24/7 (well, not when I was sleeping). It was so difficult.
My doctor ended up putting me back on Lexapro and with-in a week, it was gone!! I haven’t struggled with it since.
Even though I planned to continue homeschooling through the summer, I ended up stopping for a month because Ethan was struggling so much. I thought that a break was just what he needed!
I went back on a diet (it’s what I do during the summer apparently). I did that diet for 3 months this time!! Whew. It was very rough.
We went to Glorieta, NM for Family Camp. It was fantastic, but I struggled with anxiety while we were there. We ended up leaving a day early because I just needed to be home because of that anxiety.
We picked back up on homeschooling immediately when we got back. I thought it was going pretty well! But what I didn’t know is that I was drinking to cope with being with my kids all day every day, homeschooling, and anxiety surrounding it all.
I drank a lot no matter what. I had a compulsion to drink. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I got sick from it multiple times a week. I had times when I was shaky without the alcohol. I didn’t realize that those times were withdrawal. Many, many times I drank or got drunk before having community get togethers. Robert was incredibly worried because of this.
Finally on October 12th, after being sick yet again from being drunk, I decided I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
I emailed the leader of the Celebrate Recovery that I had just started going to, asking for names of treatment centers in the area.
This led me to La Hacienda.
This was the hardest and best decision I’ve ever made. Leaving my family for a whole month made me struggle desperately with the decision. Luckily they got me in the next day or I might have changed my mind.
La Hacienda was amazing. I actually miss it in lots of ways. I connected with people who were like me. I learned to accept people in ways that I never had before. I made new amazing friends that will be friends for life. I learned all about alcoholism and addiction and the fact that it’s a disease. It’s something that 15% of the population struggle with. It kills so many people. It’s a deadly disease. Lots of people there have been to jail, prison, and been through so much. Many had been in the hospital multiple times because of it. Most people had very high liver enzymes (mine were kind of high, but not terrible). This is what leads to death for many.
While I was at La Ha, I made the really hard decision to stop doing something that I loved for the benefit of my kids and for self care. I decided to put the kids in school. And Robert and I decided that this will be a forever decision.
My sobriety has to come first. From now on I will be going to town 2-3 times a week for AA. I will continue my step work until I’m through the 12 steps, then I will begin sponsoring women. My life is completely new and exciting. I will be bringing my experience, strength, and hope to other alcoholics! I will serve in AA.
I will also continue focusing on self care. It’s what will help with my mental health as well as sobriety.
This self care means that I love myself just the way I am. I eat healthy for self care, and I eat unhealthy for self care. I will start yoga soon and maybe pick up hiking again, all for self care. I will continue picking up healthy habits including working on my sleep habits, drinking more water, and picking up fun hobbies. Getting up early and spending time in the Word, praying, and meditating are all part of self care.
I will begin serving my community. I know that we are here for a reason and a purpose, and I want to live that out.
I will continue working on purging our home to make it a less stressful place to live. I will continue being organized because that’s self care for me.
We will continue working hard on budgeting and sticking to the budget so that we can pay off debt and have money in savings. Now that I’m not spending a fortune on alcohol, it’s possible!
Life is so good. I never imagined that I would be in a place that I was mentally healthy, sober, and living the life I only dreamed I could have.
God is so good! He is the reason for it all. I wouldn’t be where I am without Him.
Here are some pictures of this past year!
As you can see, even through the hard times, it has been a great year. The hard times just made me a new person! I cannot complain about those times. I’m so grateful today!