Perfectionism and Pride

I am working on my AA Step 6 right now and my sponsor has me making a chart:

  1. Character defect
  2. How it has helped me
  3. How it has hurt me
  4. What life would look like without
  5. Counter behaviors

One of the character defects that I am working through is perfectionism.  It’s all very rooted in pride.  I make things appear perfect where I know people will see.

I share pictures of my clean house (but not the piles of stuff that I have in places).  I keep the living areas clean so if people come over, they will think I have a spotless house.

I share my household notebook (and not the unused pages).

I share the whole foods that I eat (but not the processed food that I eat).  I feel the need to justify anything that isn’t “perfect.”  For example, I LOVE Coke Zero, and I always justify it saying that I drink it because I can’t quit right now since I am trying to stay sober and focus on that.  Instead of just saying I like it, so I drink it.

Here are some things that I do that aren’t perfect:

  • I sometimes yell at my kids
  • I don’t mop often (it’s hard to tell the difference either way)
  • There are piles and piles in my bedroom and the kids’ bedrooms (well, mostly Karis’)… I need to purge.
  • I don’t wash sheets very often (I plan to do it weekly, yet I rarely do it)
  • I like pop tarts, chips, sugar in my coffee, Little Debbie snacks, cookie dough, pizza, doughnuts
  • Even though I plan to do certain things every day (read my Bible, prayer journal, meditate, etc), I don’t always get around to it (I do about half the time).
  • I try to control situations and people that are out of my control
  • I can be very self-centered

Here are some pictures of what I would normally share (the clean parts of my house):








Here are some pictures of things that I never share (the messy parts of my house):








All of this proves that I really don’t have a perfectionism problem as much as I have a pride problem.  I only share the things that appear perfect…

This post is for those of you out there that think I have it “all together.”  I don’t.

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